Travis Barker Announces Secret to Marrying Kourtney Kardashian: Enemas!
Fresh and riding the high from his and Kourtney Kardashian’s wedding special from earlier this month, Travis Barker is putting himself out there.
And putting things in there, apparently.
If you’ve ever wondered what the secret is to Travis’ success — from his career to his marriage — well, wonder no more. Allegedly.
According to Travis, he’d never have landed Kourtney without his secret: enemas.
No, you did not misread that. We’ll walk you through it, and you can watch the ad below in case you think that we’re pranking you.
Appearing to be nude (save for some pixelation, a choker, and a beanie), the heavily tattooed drummer lounges on his side in the ad.
“What’s my secret?” Travis teases. He holds a can of Liquid Death. (Despite its name, Liquid Death is a canned beverage company, primarily offering mountain water and tea)
In a scene out of a horror movie trailer or perhaps just a very unsettling nightmare, Travis’s wife’s eyes appear.
This is Travis’ tattoo … but the lifelike realism of her eyes is almost soul-piercing.
Travis then asks: “How did I marry the woman of my dreams?”
“How have I had such a successful career in music?” Travis then asks during the ad (which you can watch in full, below)
As he asks this question, the video shows him shirtless and playing the drums.
A moving spotlight highlights his inked back from time to time. And then, Travis answers these questions as bluntly as one could imagine.
“I use Liquid Death Mountain Water … in my asshole,” Travis announces. Yes, he’s talking about enemas. And yes, it’s a callback to Blink-182’s 1999 album.
“Thanks to my new signature Enema of the State collectible enema kit, I’ve been able to turn my dreams into reality,” Travis claims. “And now you can, too. It’ll be our secret.”
If you want that custom, collectible enema kit, it will cost $182.
This all seems extremely, profoundly tongue-in-cheek. On par with a Saturday Night Live fake commercial. (I mean, it’s no “Wells For Boys,” but still)
We don’t think that Travis means to imply that this enema product, or any enema product, will help others in these areas of life.
(In fact, a lot of medical advise suggests avoiding anything that might disrupt your gut flora unless medically necessary. That includes enemas)
Interestingly, Kourtney Kardashian is a big fan of “oil enemas.”
We’re sure that she is.
The I had too much free time and put something in my butt phenomenon is widespread and not exclusive to rich people, but they do tend to have more free time than the rest of us.
